If just feels warm….

I think about you a lot. I miss you. I have no idea what that means. I am in a better place with my job, parenting, and my health both physical and mental then I have been in many years. You broke me to the bottom of my soul, a pain like nothing I have felt before and like nothing I ever want to feel again. It has shown me what is important to me, what has value in my life and my heart. It has made me look at my current relationships with myself, my children, co-workers and friends in a new light. I am being me and never felt more free and connected at the same time. I wake happy, not full of dread, not full of stress. I wake with an open heart and open mind to the realities and possibilities of my days. I have found that no matter what the reality, there is always the possibility of happiness, and I try and choose that every day. Despite all of this, I still miss you. Not in a bad, sad or needy way…but I feel warm feelings when I think of you now, I don’t know how else to explain it other than warm, and that’s in contrast to the pain, doubt and anger that was there before. The warmth feels good…and I don’t know why.